Saturday, March 08, 2008
set up by fate Written at 9:41 PM
[DISCLAIMER: VERY SENSITIVE AND INTIMATE CONTENT BELOW]
i am pissed!
i worked so hard for it
i went for every trng
i even defied my mum and wanted to buy badm shoes
now they tell me we are not playing
wtf! dont they have the courtesy to tell us earlier?
maybe i wouldnt be so pissed
31/01/08
that's the date B told us she was signing us up as doubles
more than 1 month later and 2 days to the comp,
you bloody told us we are not playing
wtf and it's cos the teacher forgot to sign us up
like wth badm management sucks!
and worst it’s only cos those 2 pro j1 juniors didn’t want to join badm that they considered us
ok fine I am not really bothered by this
but I am furious at your obvious lack of responsibility and accountability
fine we may be noobs at playing
but don’t think you can treat us like idiots cos of that
and bloody hell I told almost the whole world that I had comp cos I really thought I was playing
now how am I suppose to face them?
Awkwardness that’s what I will feel when facing them
and I
hate that!
what kind of emotions is worse than this?
REGRET!
I have been regretting a lot of things and choices I made recently
and I cant stand it!
let’s just start from pri6
from then till now there are enough regrets I experienced to write into a book
first of all my psle results
maybe I should have studied harder and scored better
but anyway I managed to get into ny
maybe I shouldn’t have gone ny
then I wouldn’t screw up my cca so much
AND get turned down for every scholarship I applied
first wrong choice I made that I can recall
then maybe I shouldn’t have joined co
I was so foolishly influenced into joining co by
someoneand co has caused me much misery
maybe I shouldn’t have gone m’sia on the day of auditions for exco
then I might have been a treasurer and gotten some cca leadership points
maybe I shouldn’t have given in to temptation and played com during prac
that cost me my whole “career” in co
NO syf NO sl
wtf and the worst I is I had to join co when my first year was the syf year
so basically I was only left with the syf in sec 3 (which I sadly realized in sec 2)
and I had to blow up my chances for that one and only syf
which in turn cost me my moe pre-u scholarship in jc1
and I will always rmbr that guy interviewer’s words
“Every performing arts student takes pride in getting into syf, so why weren’t you in syf?”
I had to crap up sth stupid and totally screwed up that interview for the scholarship
well another one: the esip
I thought the test was pretty easy
but in the end they only offered it to 2 students in ny
wtf! and one of them whom I think is less deserving than me
and wtf (x2) I found out that they gave esip to those o level peeps who scored well and entered hc
wrong wrong wrong decision to go ny in the first place
oh there is also eesis and the dsta scholarship
but I shall not elaborate on them
now to leadership skills
I always had this problem of being late for sch I dunno why..
so way back in pri5 I was late
I ran and it so happened that I stepped on a puddle of water in the drain along the corridor
ok fine my leg was already drenched and that was bad enough
I realized later that the water splashed onto a teacher’s pants
and I felt so embarrassed I quit being a prefect
if, just if, I hadn’t been late and I hadn’t stepped on that puddle of water
I might have become the head prefect or sth
well it seems that my life just went downwards from then
sec sch.. the cruel reality
I wasn’t in syf and I wasn’t given the chance to be sl
now in badm, I am equally unlucky
I had to be in the year when almost all the ex badm players rejoined badm
then they spam the whole exco
wtf and my dear j1 juniors will all be happily in the exco cos they only have 3 ppl
wtf bloody hell since when have I been given the chance to exhibit my leadership
when I
always end up in this sort of
shit situations
the problem is I
believe I can lead
I hate it when those teachers/books/principals say all of us are given equal opportunities to shine as a leader
it’s just bullshit!
if all of us are leaders, who are the ppl left for us to lead?
come on this is totally fallacious thinking!
coming back, I am
still infuriated about this “not playing all of a sudden” thing
perhaps the only choice i won’t regret is posting this entry